Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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