He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
