i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize