When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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