Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
