your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
