when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
