just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
