Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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