her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
