I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
