im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize