Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
