um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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