Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
