I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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