Tell her she can't have a vagina
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize