Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
