google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
