there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
