I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
