Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
FUCK WHALES
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
