My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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