I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
