one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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