Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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