He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
