Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
