I cut my penus on the lid.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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