I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
