All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
