Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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