Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
This is the high leading the old right now
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
