So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
