she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
