I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I FOUND THE LEGS
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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