he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
