Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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