Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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