I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
