Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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