Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
