under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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