At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
