Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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