You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
