wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
