awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
