jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
