do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
