I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
