Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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