Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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