Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
