It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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