Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
