he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
