I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
