I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
