I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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