you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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