for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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