This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
