what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
