You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
