Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize