She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
