I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Every concussion has its silver lining
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Randomize