i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my being single is dangerous.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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