she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
