If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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