You just made me feel so damn special
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
