So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize